Posted this September 20, 2023 the date of my 20th wedding anniversary • By Lesa Quale Ferguson
Since Sam drives himself to school every morning, I’ve noticed this trend. He doesn’t say anything to anyone before he slides out the door. I complained about it to Dave, and he said, “Like mother, like son.”
No matter how many times our marriage counselor (and my father, only because he couldn’t master it himself), are there in my head to remind me to greet and recognize people when they walk through doors, I just can’t remember.
For 20 years, Dave has walked through the door after work, apprehensive about what may await him:
- Am I folding laundry, eating granola, in front of my 100th viewing of a Seinfeld episode? “Shhhh, it’s almost….” I never finish my sentence. Beat, beat, beat, only to shout out in sync with the show, “The sea was angry that day, my friend!”
- Am I furiously writing an “f-off” email to someone who has influence and importance in our lives but first putting it through ChatGPT to make it polite?
- Am I following him into the kitchen with a melodramatic tale of woe or a quixotic creative thought or dream that I need to share with him immediately?
- Have I unintentionally made him part of a family ‘undertaking’ (and occasionally that too)?
- Have I lost a week of our marriage watching only Oscar nominated movies even the animated shorts?
- Am I in an existential struggle with one of our children that will most definitely end in a therapy session?
- Am I completely lost to that creative thought or endeavor: writing, gardening, Photoshop?
- Am I merrily neglecting all the household chores or am I angrily cleaning? Is there so much food in the refrigerator that I have to start giving some away, or does he come home to Old Mother Hubbard?
- Do I have ADHD, or am I just a Gemini? Let’s discuss.
When I was a kid, I read Linda Goodman’s Sun Signs the Gemini Woman so many times that I don’t know if she was describing me or if she was handing me a recipe to bake myself with.
Your Gemini woman will … never be silent when she can speak. She’ll never turn away when she can help…. Her mind is full of so many thoughts, and her heart is full of so many hopes; she may seem to need a computer to sort it all out. Or does she just need someone who can run beside her and toss dreams with her—from here to tomorrow?” – Linda Goodman
Dingo, every day for 20 years, you have shown me that I am your beloved. It’s made all the difference in my life to be loved like that. I hope every day when you arrive home to whatever you arrive home to, you know that kind of love too.
This morning, before he could get out the door, I followed Sam across the living room to the front door. He knew he wasn’t going to get away without saying something, so I got a, “Bye, Mom.” Right before he shut the door, I did the thing that I always do to both Sam and Cal, which is I say the thing THEY should have said as if part of my job was to wait in the wings and be their line prompter. I yelled, “Happy Anniversary, Mom.” The door shut between us. A beat. The doorknob turned, Sam peeked his head in, and smiled, “Happy Anniversary, Mom.”